Parenting Plan Essentials: What should we keep in mind when writing the parenting plan?
Content
- What is a parenting plan?
- When is a parenting plan required?
- Content of a Parenting Plan
- Involving Your Child in the Parenting Plan
- Modifying the Parenting Plan
- Challenges in Executing the Parenting Plan
- Key Elements of a Parenting Plan
- Assessment and Conflicts
- Resources
- Contact
What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan is a document where parents outline their agreements concerning the care and upbringing of their child. A well-structured parenting plan enhances the chances of a smooth co-parenting arrangement by providing clear, pre-discussed agreements. Thus, it is beneficial for all parents to create a detailed parenting plan.
Tip: To avoid leaving your child in a state of uncertainty following a divorce, prioritize the development of the parenting plan.
When is a parenting plan required?
A parenting plan is required for all parents with at least one minor child who are seeking a divorce, with the exception of those who live together without joint custody of a child.
How does it work in a cooperative divorce?
In the case of married couples or registered partners undergoing a cooperative divorce, the parenting plan is a necessary document that must be submitted to the court alongside the divorce application. For cohabiting couples in a collaborative divorce, there is no formal requirement regarding the creation of a parenting plan.
How does it work in a contested divorce?
For married or registered partners involved in a contested divorce, where each party has their own attorney, the judge may appoint a mediator or make a ruling themselves. If disputes arise between ex-cohabitants concerning child support or custody arrangements and no parenting plan exists, one parent can approach the court. The judge may then require the parents to draft a parenting plan, potentially with the help of a mediator. If mediation fails or is not an option, the judge will make binding decisions that both parents must follow, which can result in outcomes that neither parent desires.
What are the essential elements of a parenting plan?
A parenting plan must adhere to the legal standards outlined in the ‘Law on the Promotion of Continued Parenthood and Careful Divorce’. This entails that the plan should encompass at least the following components:The allocation of caregiving responsibilities and the care schedule
- The method by which parents communicate and consult each other regarding significant decisions affecting their child
- The sharing of expenses related to the child
- The involvement of the child in the creation of the parenting plan
Content of a Parenting Plan
To fulfill legal requirements, a parenting plan can be succinctly captured on a single page. However, it is advisable to develop a more comprehensive plan that details specific agreements on everyday issues (such as clothing, education, haircuts, and piercings). While a thorough parenting plan may seem unnecessary, especially if the parents maintain a cordial relationship, it can help avert potential conflicts post-divorce. Experience shows that vague or absent agreements often lead to misunderstandings and disputes.
In a later section, you will find a list of topics to consider.
Tip: Minimize the use of the phrase ‘in consultation’ within the parenting plan, even if the relationship with your ex-partner is amicable. Relationships can shift after a divorce, and when disagreements arise, having clear agreements in place becomes crucial. A mediator or divorce advisor can assist in navigating challenging decisions.
Tip: Aim to orient the parenting plan towards the future. For instance, while a four-year-old child won’t be making choices about technical or economic education, discussing matters like pocket money is much more relevant.
Involving Your Child in the Parenting Plan
Children have the right to voice their thoughts on issues that affect them. Therefore, it’s essential for parents to keep their child informed and engaged regarding the parenting plan, in a manner appropriate for their age. Even young children can articulate their preferences and desires quite clearly.
It’s important to clarify from the outset that while their opinions will be considered, the final decisions rest with the parents. Avoid putting your child in a position where they feel they must choose between you and your co-parent. Additionally, steer clear of discussing child support matters with them.
When discussing the parenting plan, tailor the conversation to your child’s developmental stage. You might also consider facilitating a dialogue between your child and a mediator.
Tip: Begin by asking your child about their wishes and concerns before sharing your own preferences. This approach helps prevent your child from feeling pressured to agree to arrangements out of loyalty, which may not be in their best interest.
If you inquire about their living situation, frame the question around which home they would prefer, rather than asking them to choose between parents. This way, you can avoid placing them in a difficult position.
The Authority of Your Child
Typically, parents hold the decision-making power regarding their child’s living arrangements. However, judges also take into account the preferences of children aged 12 and older. When a child is between 12 and 18 years old, the judge may invite them to share their thoughts, either through a letter or a direct conversation. Participation is not mandatory, but the judge will consider the child’s input, although parental wishes usually carry more weight.
In cases where the documentation is unclear about the child’s role in creating the parenting plan, a judge may call the child in for further discussion.
Tip: If possible, encourage your child to co-sign the parenting plan starting at age 12. This involvement fosters a sense of agency, making your child feel included in the decision-making process rather than being a passive subject. It also demonstrates that the arrangements were made collaboratively with their input.
Modifying the Parenting Plan
There are several reasons you might want to update the agreements in your parenting plan, such as:
- Establishing a new child support contribution.
- Addressing new developmental milestones your child is reaching.
- Adjusting the care arrangements.
- Changes in your living situation as parents, whether due to personal choices or unforeseen circumstances, like starting a blended family.
- Your child expressing a desire to modify the parenting plan.
How to Document Changes in the Parenting Plan
Any new or revised agreements can be formally recorded as an addendum to the existing parenting plan. This addendum serves as a supplementary agreement. You can draft this change independently, but enlisting the help of an advisor can help ensure that no critical details are overlooked and that the new agreements are practical and well-considered.
Make sure to document the changes in writing within the addendum and reference the original plan.
To effectively document changes in a parenting plan, you can create an addendum, which serves as a formal addition to the existing agreement. This addendum acts as a new attachment that outlines the modifications. You have the option to draft this change on your own, but enlisting the help of a professional can ensure that no critical details are missed and that the new agreements are practical and well-considered.
When preparing the addendum, make sure to:
- Write down the changes clearly in the addendum.
- Reference the original parenting plan that was submitted to the court at the time of the divorce application.
- Specify which sections of the original plan will be altered or removed.
- State the effective date of the changes and any potential end date.
- Ensure that both parents sign the addendum, and it’s beneficial to include the signature of the child involved as well.
Challenges in Executing the Parenting Plan
A well-structured parenting plan significantly enhances the chances of a smooth joint custody experience. However, if challenges arise, consider the following steps:
- First, attempt to collaboratively find a resolution, perhaps with a trusted friend or family member present to facilitate the discussion.
- Consider involving a mediator.
- Each parent should appoint a representative who understands the situation and prioritizes the child’s best interests. This could be a close friend, grandparent, or another supportive figure. These representatives will work alongside you and your ex-partner to reach a mutual agreement.
- Explore available resources for assistance.
- Together, you might seek the help of an external expert, especially if you have concerns about your child’s behavior that could lead to conflicts. This professional can assess the situation and help you devise a solution that best supports your child’s needs.
In extreme cases, court intervention may be necessary. However, it’s important to consider whether this will truly resolve the issues, as many problems are not strictly legal. A judge’s decision could potentially have adverse effects on both you and your child.
Tip! Clearly outline in the parenting plan how you and your ex-partner will address potential conflicts and disagreements should they arise some time in the future.
Key topics of a parenting plan
Core Family Principles
- Shared objectives, such as fostering a strong relationship between your child and both parents, ensuring stability and predictability, minimizing conflicts, supporting an uninterrupted educational journey, and promoting developmental opportunities.
- Code of Conduct: How will you, as co-parents, communicate and interact with one another?
- The manner in which your child is involved in the creation of the parenting plan.
Education
- Shared beliefs and practices in parenting.
- How do you approach rules and child-rearing? What topics do you discuss together? In what ways do you allow each other personal space?
- Family traditions you wish to uphold.
- Your perspective on discipline.
- The role and degree of your child’s involvement in decisions that impact them.
- Distribution of responsibilities between parents.
Transfers and communication
- Timing and frequency of updates regarding daily matters.
- Method of communication: whether in the presence or absence of your child.
- What topics are discussed?
- How often and when do you consult on key issues?
- Interaction between your child and the non-custodial parent: how, when, how frequently, who initiates, and during holidays?
- How do transfers work? Do we walk our child into the home of the receiving parent when we drop them off?
When preparing the addendum, make sure to:
- Timing and frequency of updates regarding daily matters.
- Method of communication: whether in the presence or absence of your child.
- What topics are discussed?
- How often and when do you consult on key issues?
- Interaction between your child and the non-custodial parent: how, when, how frequently, who initiates, and during holidays?
Contact with third parties
- Engagement with extended family members like grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Is it permissible to deviate from the care plan for these interactions?
Birthdays, anniversaries etc? - Facilitate engagements with grandparents.
Special/Crisis situations
- How do you communicate in urgent situations?
- Availability and representation of the other parent during emergencies.
Key Appointments
- These may include discussions about your child’s unique talents, challenges, sensitivities, and the support they need.
- It’s essential to establish agreements that resonate with your child on issues that matter to them, providing a sense of stability. This could cover topics like education, living arrangements, personal space, sports activities, visits with parents, time spent with friends and family, and sleepovers.
Living Arrangements and Daily Care
- Primary residence: where will your child be officially registered?
- Care schedule (including days and times).
- Who will take care of the pets and where will they live?
- Plans regarding potential moves to a different city: care arrangements, costs associated with drop-offs and pick-ups, your child’s sports and activities, and maximum travel distance.
- Details about pick-up and drop-off: location, responsible person, method, costs involved, whether the other parent can enter the home, items your child should take, what happens if something is forgotten, and how clothing will be returned (clean, ironed, or dirty). Changes to the care schedule: when and how will these be communicated?
- Distribution of holidays and special occasions, including birthdays and vacation spots.
Milestones/ key decisions
- Consider areas such as potty training, bedtime routines, homework expectations, daily schedules, church participation, curfews, allowances, gifts, meals and treats, discipline, use of mopeds/scooters, camps and tournaments, shared vacations, subscriptions, school selection, grade repetition, tutoring, homework assistance, mobile phone use, piercings, tattoos, earrings, discussions about sexuality (including sleepovers), parties, independent travel, and involvement in new school and sports activities.
- For each topic, determine who has the final say (father, mother, or jointly).
- Establish clear agreements and shared rules for each theme.
Allocation of Care Giving Responsibilities
Identify which parent will handle each caregiving duty, and establish any necessary agreements. This includes tasks such as scheduling haircuts, purchasing clothing, mending garments and footwear, laundering and ironing clothes, buying and maintaining a bicycle, securing insurance, overseeing library book management, obtaining medications, managing club registrations and cancellations, communicating with clubs, transporting to and from sports activities, distributing pocket money, and assisting with homework.
School Involvement
- Maintain communication with the school,
- How to share information received,
- Who will attend parent meetings and informational sessions (with or without a new partner),
- Who will participate in public forums, and
- Who gets to engage in school-related activities.
Health Care Decisions
- How are significant medical choices make
- What is the course of action for urgent health issues
- How to address minor medical decisions,
- How to manage medication administration,
- Ensure access to a sick child,
- Who schedules dental appointments,
- Who provides support during doctor visits and well-baby checkups,
- Communications regarding the child’s health.
Financial Matters
- Assess child support obligations: who is responsible for costs and when?
- Manage child benefits (kinderbijslag enz)
- Oversee the financial tracking of child-related expenses, including the establishment and management of a joint child account.
- Clarify child support amounts, timelines, and the distribution of costs—identifying which expenses are shared, which come from the child account or child support payments, and how unexpected costs are handled.
- Plan for future educational expenses,
- Save on behalf of the child needs
- Determine who has access to the child’s bank account, including withdrawal permissions and intended uses.
- Address any compensations owed to either parent.
Additional
- Insurance: health coverage (basic/supplementary), funeral insurance, liability coverage.
- Introducing New Partners: the timing and method of introducing them to your child, their involvement in your child’s care and upbringing, and whether they can be referred to as father/mother/dad/mom.
- Passport management and renewal.
- Celebrating children’s birthdays and organizing parties.
- Temporary arrangements during the transition phase.
- Religious beliefs and church involvement.
- Coping with the loss of a parent.
Assessment and Conflicts
- Reviewing and modifying the parenting plan: frequency, timing, and methods for adjustments.
- Strategies for handling disagreements and conflicts.
Resources
Here are some links to more information on the topics discussed above,
Remember to use the translate function on your browser if you need to!
https://www.government.nl/topics/divorce-separation-and-ending-a-civil-partnership/arrangements-concerning-the-children/what-is-a-parenting-plan
https://www.juridischloket.nl/familie-en-relatie/ouderschap/ouderschapsplan/
Contact
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