If you and your partner are considering divorce and want to work together, a joint process may help you move forward with more clarity. For international couples, the process can involve extra questions about residence, nationality, children, money, documents and communication.
This guide explains the main topics to consider before starting a joint divorce process in the Netherlands. It uses clear, general information. It is not personalised legal advice.
This first meeting is a chance for both of you to explain your situation, ask questions and see whether mediation could be suitable for you both.
What does joint divorce mean?
A joint divorce process means that both partners are willing to take part and work towards practical agreements. It does not mean that every decision is easy, or that you must agree immediately.
The aim is to create a structured conversation about the issues connected with the separation. These may include:
- Arrangements for children
- Housing and everyday responsibilities
- Income, savings, debts and property
- Communication after separation
- Documents and formal next steps
A joint process is voluntary. Each person should be able to speak openly, ask questions and make decisions without pressure.
Is a joint divorce process suitable for us?
It may be suitable when both partners:
- Are willing to participate;
- Want to explore a cooperative route;
- Can discuss difficult issues without fear or pressure;
- Want to understand each other’s priorities;
- Are prepared to obtain independent advice when needed.
A joint process may not be suitable when there is violence, intimidation, serious fear, hidden information or a major imbalance in decision-making power. Safety comes first. If you are unsure, seek independent professional advice before starting.
What international couples should consider
Nationality and residence
You may have different nationalities or live in a country that is not your country of citizenship. Your residence history and family connection to the Netherlands may affect which questions need to be checked.
Before your first appointment, write down where each partner lives, how long you have lived in the Netherlands and whether either of you has started a process in another country.
Children and parenting
If you have children, you may need to discuss where they will live, how they will spend time with each parent, school, holidays, travel and communication.
International families may also need to consider passports, travel between countries, language, extended family and possible relocation. Every arrangement should keep the children’s wellbeing at the centre.
Housing
Discuss who will live in the family home, how rent or mortgage costs will be paid, and how responsibilities will change after separation.
Money and property
Make a full list of the financial topics that may need attention. This can include income, savings, debts, property, pensions, business interests and regular expenses.
If you have assets or accounts in more than one country, ask for independent legal or financial advice about the issues that apply to you.
What should we agree on before divorce?
You do not need to solve every issue before asking for help. However, it is useful to identify the main decisions that may be needed.
1. How you will communicate
Agree on how you will discuss important matters, how often you will communicate and what you will do when a conversation becomes too difficult.
2. Where you will live
Consider the short-term and longer-term housing arrangements for both partners and any children.
3. How parenting will work
Discuss everyday care, school, holidays, travel, important decisions and communication with the children.
4. How everyday costs will be managed
List the regular costs that need to be paid and consider how responsibilities will be shared during the transition.
5. Which questions need specialist advice
Mark issues involving cross-border law, immigration, tax, pensions, businesses or complex assets. These may require advice from a qualified specialist.
How does joint divorce facilitation help?
Joint divorce facilitation gives both partners a structured space to discuss the practical issues connected with separation. It can be helpful when you want to work together but find it difficult to keep conversations focused.
A facilitator can help you:
- Organise the topics that need to be discussed;
- Use clear language when emotions are high;
- Make space for both partners to speak;
- Separate facts, concerns and possible solutions;
- Identify areas of agreement;
- Prepare questions for lawyers and other advisers;
- Clarify the next practical step.
Facilitation does not represent either partner and does not replace personalised legal, immigration, tax or financial advice. It also cannot guarantee that you will reach agreement.
What documents should we prepare?
The documents you need depend on your situation and the formal process being followed. You may need information about identity, marriage, residence, children, income, property and other financial responsibilities.
Start by collecting what you already have. Make a second list of documents you cannot find. A qualified adviser can explain what is required and whether translation or certification may be needed.
What if we agree on some things but not everything?
You do not need to agree on every point before beginning a structured conversation. A joint process can help separate the issues you have already resolved from the issues that still need discussion.
If a particular matter remains difficult, you may need independent legal advice or another specialist process. Partial agreement can still make the next steps clearer.
Questions international couples often ask
Can two foreigners have a joint divorce process in the Netherlands?
It may be possible, depending on the couple’s residence, nationality and other circumstances. A qualified legal adviser can assess the specific situation.
Do we need a lawyer?
That depends on your circumstances and the formal steps required. Facilitation can support communication and preparation, but it does not replace independent legal advice.
Can the process take place in English?
An English-language process may be possible. Clear communication is especially important when English is not the first language for either partner.
What if one partner changes their mind?
A joint process is voluntary. If one partner no longer wishes to participate, the process may need to pause while each person considers independent advice and available options.
Can we meet online?
Online meetings may be possible depending on the circumstances, location and practical requirements. This can be discussed during the introductory conversation.
Preparing for the first conversation
- Write down the questions you both want answered.
- List the countries connected to your family, residence and finances.
- Collect the documents you already have.
- Note where you agree and where you disagree.
- Consider what would help both partners participate calmly and safely.
Take the next constructive step
If you are an international couple or expat in the Netherlands and want to explore a joint, English-language process, an introductory conversation can help you understand whether mediation is suitable for your situation.
View times for an introductory mediation conversation →
You can also read the international divorce guide for expats or learn more about English-speaking divorce facilitation.
This article provides general information only. It is not legal, immigration, tax or financial advice.