Short answer: A parenting plan turns broad intentions into practical arrangements for your children after separation. For an international family in the Netherlands, it should cover care time, decision-making, communication, school and healthcare, holidays, travel, passports, language, finances and how you will review the plan. Mediation can help parents build an arrangement that is detailed enough for real life while keeping the children’s needs at the centre.
This article provides general information, not personalised legal advice. The rules that apply can depend on parental responsibility, the children’s habitual residence, nationality, existing court orders and connections with other countries. Obtain independent legal advice if there is a risk of abduction, domestic abuse, urgent relocation, disagreement about jurisdiction or another issue requiring advice about your specific circumstances.
What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan is a written record of the agreements parents make about the care and upbringing of their children after they separate. In the Netherlands, parents with minor children generally need to draw up a parenting plan when they divorce, end a civil partnership or separate in circumstances covered by the legal rules.
Government.nl says that a parenting plan must include, at minimum:
- the care or access arrangement;
- how parents will communicate about important matters, such as the choice of school; and
- how the costs of care and upbringing will be met, including child maintenance.
The Dutch judiciary also explains that an arrangement concerning children can form part of a joint divorce agreement. A parenting plan is not the same thing as a court judgment, and the legal effect of a particular document depends on how it is made and used. If you need advice about enforceability, ask a Dutch family lawyer.
See the Government.nl explanation of parenting plans and the Dutch judiciary information about divorce with children.
Why international families need more detail
A plan written for one town may not work for a family whose children have relatives, schooling, work or legal ties in several countries. International parenting arrangements often involve:
- different school calendars and public holidays;
- long-distance travel by train, car or plane;
- multiple passports, residence documents or nationalities;
- more than one language at home;
- different expectations about religion, education and extended family;
- currency differences and travel costs; and
- the possibility that one parent may later move to another country.
The purpose of detail is not to control every moment of family life. It is to reduce avoidable uncertainty. Parents can be flexible where that is safe and workable, while still agreeing what happens when they cannot reach a quick decision.
What should an international parenting plan cover?
1. Where the children live and how time is shared
Start with the children’s ordinary week. State where they stay on school nights, how handovers work, and who takes responsibility for transport. You might describe a repeating weekly pattern, a primary home with regular time at the other parent’s home, or a different arrangement suited to the children’s ages and travel distance.
Be practical rather than relying only on labels such as “co-parenting” or “equal parenting”. These terms can mean different things to different families. A useful plan answers questions such as:
- Who collects the children from school or childcare?
- Where do handovers take place?
- What happens if a parent is working late or a train is cancelled?
- How much notice is needed to request a change?
- Can the parents use a trusted relative or childcare provider when they cannot personally provide care?
The arrangement should reflect the children’s ages, relationships, health, school routine and ability to travel—not simply an assumption that time must be divided equally.
2. Holidays, birthdays and school breaks
Holiday arrangements often cause more disagreement than ordinary weeks. List the school holidays relevant to the children’s school and identify how they interact with Dutch public holidays and the other parent’s cultural or religious celebrations.
For international families, specify:
- how many days of advance notice are needed for international travel;
- which countries the children may visit under the agreement;
- who pays for tickets and how costs are shared;
- how flight, train or ferry details will be exchanged;
- who keeps the children’s passports and when documents are handed over;
- how the travelling parent will provide contact details and an itinerary; and
- what happens if illness, strikes, severe weather or a cancelled flight disrupts the plan.
Do not assume that a parenting plan by itself replaces consent requirements, travel documentation or a court order. Check the current requirements for the countries involved, especially where parents do not share parental responsibility or where there are concerns about a child being taken abroad.
3. Important decisions and parental responsibility
In everyday conversation, parents sometimes use “custody”, “parental responsibility”, “access” and “co-parenting” as if they were interchangeable. They are not. Dutch Government information distinguishes parental responsibility from the practical arrangement for when a child is with each parent.
After a divorce, parents commonly retain joint parental responsibility. That means important decisions may need to be made together. A parenting plan can set out a process for decisions about:
- school and changes of school;
- medical, dental and psychological care;
- religious upbringing and cultural activities;
- sports, music and other substantial commitments;
- travel and residence documents; and
- future changes to living arrangements.
Good plans distinguish everyday decisions made by the parent caring for the children that day from major decisions requiring consultation. They also give parents a way to share information and a deadline for responding, rather than leaving every disagreement open-ended.
For an overview, read Government.nl’s information about parental responsibility after separation and the Dutch judiciary’s English explanation of parental authority.
4. Communication between parents
Communication arrangements should be specific enough to prevent misunderstandings and calm enough to be sustainable. Consider agreeing:
- which channel you will use for routine messages;
- how quickly each parent normally responds;
- how urgent medical or school matters are communicated;
- how information from school, doctors and clubs is shared;
- how you will communicate when the children are staying abroad; and
- how disagreements will be discussed away from the children.
Some parents prefer a shared calendar or parenting app. Others find email easier because it creates a clear written record. The best method is the one both parents can use consistently and that does not expose the children to adult conflict.
5. Language, culture and extended family
Language is part of parenting, not merely an administrative issue. Decide how the children will maintain meaningful communication with each parent and with relatives abroad. This might involve regular video calls, time with grandparents during holidays, bilingual school communication or support for learning a family language.
Parents may also need to discuss cultural or religious events, food, names, celebrations and relationships with extended family. Mediation can help parents separate the underlying value—such as maintaining a connection to family heritage—from the practical question of when and how an activity will happen.
6. Money and shared expenses
A parenting plan should explain the everyday financial arrangements for the children. Depending on the family, this may include child maintenance, school costs, childcare, medical expenses, activities, clothing, travel and exceptional costs.
For cross-border families, identify the currency and payment method. Agree whether costs are shared equally or in another proportion, what counts as an agreed expense, how receipts are exchanged and how exchange-rate changes are handled. Avoid promising a fixed financial outcome without checking the applicable Dutch rules and obtaining advice where necessary.
How mediation can help parents build the plan
Mediation is a structured process in which a neutral mediator helps parents communicate and make their own decisions. The mediator does not decide the schedule for you or represent either parent. The process is usually most useful when both people can participate voluntarily and safely.
In a mediation conversation, parents can work through the plan in sections:
- the children’s current routine and immediate needs;
- the ordinary weekly schedule;
- holidays, travel and passports;
- decision-making and information sharing;
- language, culture and family relationships;
- money and practical responsibilities; and
- how the arrangement will be reviewed.
A mediator can help turn vague intentions into observable arrangements. “We will be flexible” might become “parents request changes through the shared calendar at least seven days in advance, except in emergencies”. That kind of clarity can prevent a minor logistical issue from becoming a major dispute.
Family Mediation Delft’s divorce facilitation page explains how facilitated discussions may support separation arrangements. Mediation is not suitable for every situation. Serious safety concerns, coercive control, a major power imbalance or an urgent cross-border risk may require other safeguards or legal steps first.
Make the plan realistic, not perfect
Children grow, parents change jobs and international travel is not always predictable. Include a review clause so you can revisit the plan after a defined period or when there is a significant change, such as a new school, relocation, health issue or change in work pattern.
A review clause might answer:
- When will the plan first be reviewed?
- How will either parent request a review?
- What information will be considered?
- Will mediation be used before a parent starts court proceedings, where safe and appropriate?
- Which parts remain in force while a proposed change is discussed?
A review is not a promise that every request will be accepted. It is a process for considering change without treating every disagreement as a crisis.
Frequently asked questions
Does a parenting plan mean the children must spend exactly half their time with each parent?
No. Dutch government information describes co-parenting as one possible arrangement, not an automatic legal requirement. The schedule should reflect the children’s circumstances and the parents’ ability to carry it out.
Can a parenting plan include international travel?
It can record the parents’ practical arrangements for travel, but it does not remove the need to check current consent, passport and immigration requirements. Cross-border risks should be discussed with a qualified professional.
Can the children help shape the parenting plan?
Children should not be made responsible for choosing between parents. Depending on their age and circumstances, their views may nevertheless be heard in an age-appropriate way. Parents can ask a mediator or child professional how to involve them without placing them in the middle.
What if we agree on most issues but not everything?
You can identify the areas of agreement, record them clearly and focus mediation on the remaining questions. If an agreement cannot be reached, obtain advice about the available legal options. The fact that parents disagree does not mean every issue must be decided in court.
Conclusion: a useful parenting plan supports continuity
An international parenting plan is more than a timetable. It is a practical framework for helping children maintain secure relationships with both parents while living across languages, cultures and sometimes borders. The strongest plans are clear about ordinary routines, detailed about travel and holidays, realistic about money and communication, and open to review as the children grow.
Could mediation help you turn difficult conversations into workable arrangements? Read about divorce facilitation or view times for an introductory mediation conversation with Family Mediation Delft.